E.P.O.T.E.H.P.A.
by Shrine Maiden Kitty
Summary: One strage day, Ken, Kari, and Davis discover TK has evil hat powers, buut too late to save Kari and Bill Clinton, with Ken the next victim, can they save him from the sewer beyond? **Complete**
1. AcRoNyMs~

Kitty: *Disclaimer* I don't own Digimon, nah nah nah nah nah nah!  
  
Kitty: Hey! I saw Spiderman today! *dances around* And it was goooooooodddddd! I liked it, it was super! Did I mention how much Homework I should be doing right now? Ohh.... the trageties of junior high! Hope y'all like mah stooorrrryyyy!!!!!!!!!!  
  
~~  
  
E.P.O.T.E.H.P.A.  
  
1. AcRoNyMs*  
  
Ken stared at the back of Kari's head for the 50th time. He'd memorized every wave, highlight, and tangle 13 times. In other words, he was bored. He looked across the room at another classmate, Takeru, or TK. He was scribbling something in his notebook. 'Ah, that a good idea, thanks, Toots!' Ken thought. TK telekinetically answered Ken with his evil hat powers, 'Your welcome.' Ken smiled and pulled out his notebook. He wrote the letters "KEHA" and highlighted it. Underneath a bit smaller he wrote "Kari's Eleven Haters Anonymous". It was a club he intended to start very soon, for all eleven digidestined(excluding Kari herself) hated Kari with dear passion. He giggled and his pencil began to sketch furiously...  
  
On the other side of the room Daisuke Motomiya was also drawing in his notebook. His acronyms were far more different than what Ken had been creating. For on his book were scribbled ROTMED aka, Rovolting Of The Man- Eating Ducks, or Reunion, whatever floats your boat. If you have a boat that is...! Yes, Davis believed that when the human race no longer existed, that giant man-eating ducks would grace the planet. With ease they would hypnotize innocent creatures with their beady, unblinking eyes. The world would become unbearable for any other living being, the pressure too great! Davis looked upon his paper and grinned, pen flying in a fury of rough sketching...  
  
In his own little world, Takeru aka TK Takaishi was also scemeing his own evil plots, for TK had evil hat powers. Yes, that horrible and disgusting white misfit that sat amoung his gelled, golden locks was an evil placed upon our cruel planet. He scribbled letters of unkown value onto that precious secret notebook. The letters EPOTEHPA aka, Evil Plots Of The Evil Hat Powers Academy. TK smirked devilishly then right in the middle of math class... let out a manic eruption of evil laughter. No one noticed though, they had bigger evils to conquer. Like waking up every day and realizing you're are going to have to go to the bathroom or you'll explode! No one ever dared not go to the bathroom after they wake up in the morning...  
  
Kari's notebook was simple. All the pages said, "horsemeat". That is why everyone hated her. Her obsession with horsemeat and other non- scrumcious proteins had caused her to become a constantly loathed outcast. She believed that the sun hissed at her, so she wore sunglasses everywhere she went. She wore green everyday. She had an obsession with meat and the color psychodelic orange(I wonder if that's a real color...?), but she wore green.  
  
TBC...  
  
~~  
  
Kitty: This chapter was short, don't worry the others will be longer. So what do you people think.  
  
Bill: I am very very sorry...  
  
Kitty: *Pats his head* We forgive you Bill...  
  
Ken: I'm in a sewer.  
  
Kitty: Yes, yes you are. What do you have to say about that?  
  
Ken: Donde esta el retrete...  
  
Kou: THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE QUESTION SHE JUST ASKED YOU!  
  
Ken: *sniff* She's petting Bill Clinton!  
  
*Tai, Matt, and TK run in and all begin to pet Bill too*  
  
Ken: Wah... Hmmm... I still have to go to the bathroom...  
  
Kitty: BTW, this story is dedicated to mah lovely gal Hannah! Too bad she is outta state right now and would rip mah arse off for throwing Ken down a sewer...!  
  
Ken: But you've adored me 345 days longer than her...!  
  
Kitty: Life is a bitch.  
  
TK: *evil voice that sounds a hell of a lot like Cartman* Respect mah authoritah!  
  
Ken: Oi vey! *smacks head against walls many many times*  
  
All: ByeBye! 


	2. ThE sEwEr KnOcKeR~

Kitty: Chapter two, lalala!  
  
Kitty: *Disclaimer* I do not own Digimon!!!!!! *dances like the Doozy she is*  
  
~~  
  
E.P.O.T.E.H.P.A.  
  
2. ThE sEwEr KnOcKeR*  
  
After class, the four "friends" met up in the hall. Ken, always the one to speak in code, opened his mouth... and spoke. "Dirt," he said. The others responded by removing their left shoes and smacking themselves with it. Then they each chucked it at an innocent peer. Three unlucky peers lay unconcious on the ground. Ken nodded in approval and spoke his next command. "Gypsy on my llama," he said strictly. Davis handed him a toothpick. "Arigatou!!!!!" Ken stated and began a very weird tribal little dance right there in the hall, tiki torches and all. But no one noticed, for they had other evils to conquer...  
  
Then Davis looked at his desolate shoe laying next to Clyde's head. "Oi! There's a snake in my boot!" he shouted, and began to shake the shoe violently. A penny falls out. They all stare at it for a while, then, without warning, all dive after it at the same time. Unfortunately, we all know that that, just doesn't work... They all banged heads together and the scene after that wasn't too pretty...  
  
Ken: *Begins to wail* Owwww!!!!!! *cries harder*  
  
TK: Uhhh....?  
  
Kari: Ken, shhhhh!!!! You're making a scene!  
  
Ken: *wails increasingly louder*  
  
Davis: *huggles Ken* Show me where it hurts...  
  
Ken; *pokes around the top of his head* Here, and here, and here...  
  
Davis: *pretending to perform some strange tribal healing* Tofu... Tofu... Chicken pot pie, remove the monkey from my eye. Feel so happy you could fly, Be yourself in a tired sigh...!  
  
Ken: *strangely falls asleep then awakes again* :::yawns::: I feel super!!!!!  
  
Davis: *huggles Ken*  
  
They all stand up and preceed to walk down the hall to go home. Ken begins speaking in code to Daisuke again. That only arouses a few stares, they'll never figure out what "leave the pickle in the bathtub" means anyhow...  
  
Upon dawning into the May afternoon sun we all took a deep breath. It was so nice to be outside after school. Just as they were crossing the street a giant Amity truck squashes Kari. "Oh my god! They killed Kari!" TK yelled. "You dorkweeds!" Davis added before staring at her dead body. "Hmmm... Let's make a vase out of her!" Ken mused quite thouhgtfully. "No! Even better, a puppet!" TK shrieked. He got up and grabbed her leg as they continued to walk home.  
  
Just then they just happened to run into Bill Clinton. Neither of them speaking English, they just stared at him for a long time. After a while, Ken began to cry. That just happened to trigger TK's hat into doing evil things... A giant shoelace lunged out of his head and slithered right up Clintion's snoot. Soon he suffocated and died. Davis decided to pull him. Ken continued to cry.  
  
"Ken, why are you still crying? He's gone now." Davis stated, Clinton's head bounced off of a rock. "I'm- I'm- I'M HALF MUSHROOM!" Ken sobbed. "Gasp!" TK said, his evil hat still triggered, slithered into TK's thoughts. Without warning, TK pushed Ken into a manhole. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Ken as his butt met the sewer pipes below. Many signs of Ken's crying could be heard above.  
  
"TK! What did you do!?" Davis shrieked, his beloved Ken had been pushed into a sewer! "I swear I didn't do it!" TK yelled. "But Ken speaks Yiddish!" Davis screamed and peered down the hole again. "Wait a minute, what?!?" TK asked puzzled, Ken did NOT speak Yiddish... "Nevermind, you're missing the point! We have to go find help!" With that Davis grabbed Bill and began running down the street. TK followed not far behind.  
  
"Wahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" Ken wailed, flailing his skinny little arms. His buttcheeks were wedged quite snuggly in between the pipes. "Hmmm... Hey is that a hotdog!?!" Ken stated, as the moldly old dog slithered past. He reached as far as he could to grab the stinky old fart pit of a hotdog. But it floated on downstream. "Hey!" he called, reaching desperately for it! "I wanna hotdog!!!" Just then the pipes gave way and Ken plummeted into the stench below...  
  
"Hey, Davis," TK whined, after they had been walking to go find Tai and Matt to help. "What is it, TJ?" Davis asked, obviously annoyed. "Kari's beginning to rot," TK whined again, "and my name is Mergatroid." Just then the batpig came flying out of nowhere. "Hey, TK! Over here!" it called in it's annoying piggy voice. TK's eyes turned red(the work of the hat) at the sound of the annoying bat's voice. Little lazer beams shot out and turning Batpig into fried chicken roasting over a spit. Davis, oblivious to what was going on behind him spoke, "Hey, Mergatroid, you were right, Kari really stinks..."  
  
"That's the pig," TK- errr, Mergatroid replied. Normal now. "Err, huh...?" Davis said, turning around, upon seeuing the pig he exclaimed, "OH GOD! THAT THING REEKS! Let's get out of here!" With that Davis, Mergatroid, Clinton, and the now rotting Kari, flew down the sidewalk.  
  
TBC...  
  
~~  
  
Kitty: Yay! Dun dun dun! A cliffhanger! With Ken be rescued? Will Kari rot? Will Clinton rot? Will Mergatroid and davis get help in time? Will Ken die of bad stench? Find out in my next chapter!  
  
Ken: I... am... drowning... in... a... SEWER!!!!!!!!  
  
Kitty: Yes you are!  
  
Ken: WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kitty: Hey! Shut your wordhole!  
  
*Tai, Matt, and Clinton enter and duct tape ken's mouth*  
  
Kitty: Kinkie! 


	3. MuCh WaNtEd AsSiStAnCe~

Kitty: *Disclaimer* Digimon is not mine! *smiles* BUT LAWYER DUDE IS!  
  
LawyerDude: I am not! *slaps Kitty*  
  
Ken: OOOOO!!!!! CATFIGHT! *grabs Dai, Matt, Tai, Clinton, and some popcorn*  
  
Kitty: Grr...  
  
PS. My small Batpig eraser sits high and mighty on my desk, he gives me inspiration, his name is Spud. SqueeeeeeGeeeeeeee! *Huggles Batpig* A Gomamon too, his name is Buck. *Huggles Dinorat* And half an inch, Davis, Digimon Kaiser, and a little dude with a jackhammer! Really! *Huggles all*  
  
~~  
  
E.P.O.T.E.H.P.A.  
  
3. MuCh WaNtEd AsSiStAnCe*  
  
Ken flailed his arms wildly in the erm... water. Number one, it stunk: BAD! Number two, Ken didn't know how to swim. Heh heh heh... "Neeeedddd.... AIR!" he gasped, fighting to stay above the sewage. Just then, a giant Chinese takeout container smacked him in the face. Dazed, Ken stated, "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, smack me with a ladel...!" So a ladel came from the sky and hit him right in the noggin. "Ouch!" he screeched. Just then, he saw a pipe up a head. He grabbed it as he sailed past, it kept him above for now, but this was ridiculous.  
  
--  
  
Davis and TK ran as fast as they could to Tai's house. They needed his and Matt's help to save Ken. They also needed to break it to him about Kari. God, did she stink! Upon dawning at the erm... tipi where Tai and Kari lived, well technically she didn't anymore but... Tai was outside yelling at a squirrel. "Damn squirrel! Gimme my nuts back!" Tai screamed, a bit too loudly. "Tai!" TK and Davis screeched in unison. "Oh, hey guys," Tai smiled, forgeting completely about the squirrel. "Your sister's dead and she smells like crap," TK threw out quickly. "Oi, vey," Davis mentally kicked himself. "Oh," Tai said. He sniffed her then threw her inside the tipi. "That's okay, so what's the problem?" he asked curiously. "Ken's stuck in a sewer, Bill Clinton scared him," Davis replied. "Did you kill him?" "Hell no!" "Clinton I mean," "Oh, ya, we got him." "Good," Tai sighed, "For a moment I thought he might be raiding Japan of its' sushi bars!"  
  
"How, bizarre," TK stated. "TK HAS EVIL HAT POWERS!" Davis screeched and smacked TK in the head. "OW!" TK yelled. "See! What I tell ya!?!" Davis screamed, and thwaped TK again. "Fight nice, children, right now we must devise a plan on saving Ken!" Tai muttered. "Wait a minute, won't that call for intellingence?" Davis asked, still beating TK in the head. "Yah, I guess you're right-- Let's go get Ishida!" Tai yelled, and with that, they ran off.  
  
--  
  
"Kill, kill, kill, the hat, joyfully with glee... Slashing, pounding, burning, bulldozing, sent back to hell from me..." Ken sang, it took him 6 and a half minutes to write the song. He didn't like sewers. He only hoped that Davis would arrive with help soon. But then he saw it-- The Magical Rat Fairy. "Is it really you?!?" Ken stated in disbelief. He had been waiting to have a visit from the Magical Rat Fairy all of his pathetic little life. And when it finally arrived, it was more grand than in his wildest dreams.  
  
"Bwa, erm, what might ya be needin, chum?" It asked, hovering, trying to uphold it's great weight. Ken would have jumped with glee and wrapped his thin anerexic arms around the fat blob of a rat, but unfortunately, the situation forbid so. But before he could speak, a large object came snaking down the sewage... It was BILL CLINTON! It seemed that Davis had dropped him some time or another and somehow he wound up down here. Ken screamed in terror and let go of the pipe. He fell down a giant sewagy waterfall into "The Land Of Flushed Fish Of Year 1857". "Oh, damn," Ken stated, before meeting his fishy fate.  
  
--  
  
Tai, TK, and Davis hastily pounded on Matt's door. When that didn't work, TK's evil hat powers took over and burnt a hole through the fridge, how ironic that it just *Happened* to be in front of the door. "Weird..." Tai stated, "It's almost as if he doesn't want us in his house..." "Yeah, freak me out," Davis added. They marched in and found Matt rehearsing with the teletubies. "Dear gods, man! What has been put in your drink!?!" TK screeched. Just then the teletubies growled angrily and attacked! "PBS... PBS..." They chanted like little, gay, posessed zombies. Just then, Barney marched in carrying a sign and wearing a cheerleader out fit. Yolei, Misty, and Aeyka follow also wearing cheerleader outfits.  
  
"C'mon, girls, let's riot!" Barney yelled. "RIOT! RIOT!" the girls chorused--  
  
***We interupt this program to bring you a special bulletin!***  
  
LawyerDude: Magnetic paper-eating ponies are bad.  
  
NewscasterDude: Yes, like drugs.  
  
LawyerDude: So remember, kids: Say no to drugs...  
  
NewscasterDude: Say Hello to alcohol, Good day...  
  
:::click:::: :::static:::  
  
******  
  
"What the hell is going on here, Ishida?!?" Tai demanded angrily. "He's been mind-warped by TK's evil hat powers!" Davis guessed, and once again, thwaped TK on the noggin. "My name has now been legally changed to Mergatroid..." TK whispered shyly.  
  
"Bye, bye, this japan guy, he was mind-warped by a hat, as Barney passed by. Now Davis and Tai are wanting to cry, "TK deserves to die! Afterwards we'll celebrate with pie!" Matt sang, solemnly.  
  
TBC...  
  
~~  
  
Kitty: That song is quite catchy, I wrote it myself... *poses for the camera*  
  
Ken: FISHY!!!!!!!! *jumps up and down*  
  
Kitty: Someone's had too much Expresso...  
  
Tai: Damn squirrel!  
  
Kitty: Uh...ya... Anyway, reveiw if you want me to continue, yes, there is a plot in there somewheres... And sorry I haven't written anymore lately... I was *Temporarily* suspended... Er... FREE PIZZA FOR EVERYONE!  
  
Clinton: *thumbs up and winks*  
  
Kitty: The public loves me... 


	4. ThE lAnD oF tHe FiSh~

Kitty: *Disclaimer* I do not own Digimon, if I did, Yolei and Kari would be dead.  
  
Kitty: I like ham... STORY!  
  
~~  
  
E.P.O.T.E.H.P.A.  
  
4. ThE lAnD oF fIsH*  
  
Ken awoke and realized he had hit his head, "Oww, where am I?" "You are in the land of the flushed fish of 1857..." rang a heavenly voice. "Are you an angel? Am I dead?" Ken asked, bewildered. "Something like that," the voice said, "Only I am an angel-fish, and you are far from dead." Ken looked up and above him at a beautiful, black and white angel fish, she seemed to glow with heavenly love. "Hmmm..." Ken smiled, he sat up and took in everything he saw slowly.  
  
It was beautiful there. He sure was hungry though. "Not to be a burden, but err, do you have any *human* food down here?" Ken asked politely, he didn't want to upset this godly trout. Just then a flock of rabid kung fu rats burst into the area. An alarm went off... :::RING! RING! Please step away from the rat... RING! RING!::: Ken stared in awe as some Ninja fish came and fended them off. "Does this happen often?" Ken asked. "Oh, umm, yes," the angel-fish replied. "What's your name, human child?" she asked. "Oh, umm, it's Ken. Ken Tao Ichijouji." Ken replied prouldly. "Lovely," said the fish, "Mine's Angel." "How original..." Ken mused. "Huh?" "Oh, nothing..." Ken said, turning his head to get a better view of the place.  
  
"Would you like a Swedish fish?" Angel asked, an outstretched err... fin in front of him. "Hell no!" Ken screamed, and quickly backed away, "Swedish fish were developed in the evil crevices of Hell!" "Oh," said Angel, "That is quite new information to me...--" "Well then update your calendar! Argh!" Ken interupted, quite disturbed by the whole "Swedish fish" offering. "We don't have calendars... You see, Kipp--" Angel said. "It's Ken," Ken corrected. "Err, Ken, you see, we fish people are trapped in a sewer and our souls are trapped, when you arrived it was like a blessing." "What does that have to do with food?" Ken asked, while poking strange animals living in the sewage. "Don't touch that," Angel said. "Gomen..." Ken stated and began to walk around.  
  
"My friends better find me soon, or I'll go insane! I'll have to eat Swedish fish and listen to Liberty Bitch FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!" Ken wailed. "Pardon?" Angel asked, confused, "You can't *leave*." "What the hell are you talkin', Lady?!? You mean I'm stuck in this Hell-hole forever?!?" Ken cried. "Well, there is one way to get out..." "Tell ME!" "Well, in order to leave you must set all of us free, for you, my dear boy, are the key," Angel recited. "What the hell planet are you from?" Ken asked, "Planet bitch in a poetic manner to drive your guests insane?! You are totally not *CO-necting* with me here, Baby cakes!" "I beg your pardon, Baby... Cakes...? Did I miss something?" Angel asked. "No, but you sure as hell lost something: MY DAMN SANITY! AND I WANT IT BACK NOW!" Ken cried and ran around in circles. Angel just sighed, this was going to be harder than she had thought!  
  
--  
  
"OH, SHE'LL BE COMIN' 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES! YEE-HA! SHE'LL BE COMIN' 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES! WHOOPAH! SHE'LL BE COMIN' 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN, SHE'LL BE COMIN' 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN, SHE'LL BE COMIN' 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES! GO BITCH!" sang Tai, Merg, Matt, and Davis all crammed into Matt's black convertible. (Fame *IS* everything! '-^) "So, where exactly are we going?" Matt asked as he cruised down Main Street. "Uhhh.... I FORGET!" Davis smiled, and continued singing. "Bitches..." Matt muttered, "So basically I'm wasting gas for nothing?" "Ken's not a nothing!" Davis defended. "Now we're getting somewhere..." Matt smiled.  
  
--  
  
Somewherez else, in a secret laboratory on the other side of Tokyo, an evil diabolical guy had found a new specimen that had washed up in the lake. He had been mingling with it for about 7 minutes now, and he was finally finished. "With that last touch of green paint, this thing is the perfect distraction, so I can get my hands on that damn hat! Wakey, wakey, Baby!" He pulled the lever, and a jolt of electricity was sent through the being, it's eyes shot open, and the fingers began to twitch. "IT LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I call it... Franken-Clinton... Bwahahaha..... BwaHAHA! BWAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA!" "Monika, oh Monika, where are you honey, I'm feeling naughty..."  
  
TBC...  
  
~~  
  
Kitty: HAHAHA! Now Clinton is aliiiiiiiiivee again! Bwahahaha! I am sooooooo evil!  
  
Kitty: Who is this evil diabolical guy that wants Mergatroid's hat? Is he part of the Evil Plots of the Evil Hat Powers Academy? Will Ken be free ever? Will Davis give Matt the right information? What the hell is up with Clinton? Find out in *dun dun dun* MY NEXT CHAPTER, WHICH SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS, BECAUSE I JUST HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF ONE YET!  
  
Ken: Kinkie!  
  
Kitty: Thank you, MysticBlackFairy! You are the only one who has reviewed me! If you are an author plz sign my story with your login name!  
  
Ken: I'm a BISHOUNEN!  
  
Kitty: Yay!!!!!!! Tomorrow is the last damn day of school!!! I'm gonna miss that bitch hole... 


	5. ThE rIsE oF a NeW eViL~

Kitty: *Disclaimer* Digimon is not mine, Angel, the talking fish is. That pack of cookies in the kitchen are mine, not the oreos, oreos suck. It's the Chips Ahoy! YAHOOOOO!! Ken: I own your fridge at 3:02 in the morning! *smileys!* Kitty: We wise ones all but know the truth be told! *pats Ken on the noggin* Ken: ...Huh? ~~ E.P.O.T.E.H.P.A. 5. ThE rIsE oF a NeW eViL*  
  
"Your seafood sucks. I want some clam chowder..." Ken complained while staring at a plate that had been set before him. It was fish, Ken hated fish. "I hate fish," Ken stated. "I'm a fish..." Angel reminded, maybe this kid was just another ham from the other world. "Fish smells so, so fishy!" Ken explained, while poking the sushi with a chopstick, making sure it wasn't going to jump up and bite him. "I assure you, it won't jump up and bite you," Angel, explained, now she was on edge. "Alright, I give into your shit! First I fall in a sewer, then I meet a talking fish, then they try to feed me *fish*, mind you, which I hate, and then you go all freak-a-zoid on me and start reading minds!" Ken concluded, while eyeing the sushi suspiciously. If Angel had had an eyebrow, it would have been raised, "I assure you, I am not reading your mind..." "Stop assuring me, god dammit!" Ken smacking his hand on the table, and the sushi went flying through the air, and hit a slug in the face. "That reminds me, the slugs mating rituals are fasinating..." as Ken clouded over into dream land, Angel was wonding about how he could possibly be their savior... -- "Get your damn mitts off of the wheel!" Matt hollored angrily, as he regained possesion of the wheel once again. (A/N: AHH! Matt is possesed by a wheel! RUN!) "Awe! But I wanna drive!" Davis pouted. "No, and why are you up front anyway?" Matt demanded, it was his car, no one else needed to drive it, especially not a twelve year old! When Davis didn't answer him, he turned to see what was the matter. But Davis was just sitting there, possibly deep in thought, possibly... "Answer my question?" Matt asked, wondering why everyone was so quiet. "I get carsick in the back?" Davis offered, and then remembered a seemingly very funny tale. "Man! Ken is even worse than me, I mean, one time, it was raining, and so my mom offered to drive us to soccer practice, since it was like, two blocks down, and well, I am fine for around a half hour or so. But anyway, we were only in the car for like two minutes, and I say, 'Ken, you okay, you look pale,' and then he like barfs all over the back of the seat, where Jun was sitting I might add! It was so funny, gross, but hilarious! And my mom had to get her car cleaned out and everything! HAHAHA! "Lovely, Davis, but we're gonna be there in a few minutes, so why are you sitting up front?" Matt demanded again. "I like the sites.." Davis replied, and kicked back. Hey, did anyone realize that Tai or Merg haven't said anything... I did! "Great, so on the way back we're stuff with Ken sitting in between us?" Tai asked, disgusted. "No, he's going to sit up front, where Davis *doesn't* belong," Matt replied. "Hmph... I wanted to sit up front--" But Tai sentence was cut short as a terrifying being walked right into the middle of the road. "Wtf...?" Merg awed. -- *Now folks, we're going to throw in Iori with a dancing Ronald McDonald for your entertainment... ENJOY!* "Shut up, damn you! I hate you and your damn face!" Iori growled, as the ugly thing approached. "Put a smile on, put a smile on!" Ronald sang cheerfully, as he waddled around then atempted to dance, which ended in a whole lot of wiggling! Iori retrieved a mallet from *somewhere* and snuck up behind the gay-ass clown. "Die, you freaker! DIE WITH ALL YOUR GAY-ASS PURPLE SQUAD AND STUPID BURGAR THEIF!" with that, little Iori smashed that asshole over the head with his mallet, and therefore, saved the day. Yay... ~*~Now back to the story you were hopefully trying to read before being rudely interupted by me!~*~ -- "Why the hell do you think I could save you?!" Ken mused, Angel had told him everything, and how he were to fix things. "I really don't know..." Angel said, she had quickly lost her faith in the strange, swearing boy. "Release the evil! Into the darkness!" Ken yelled, and began running in circles, but then, something magical happened! How ironic... Mimi arrived wearing a mini skirt and a tube-top, holding a martini, but she was being held by... dun dun dun... BILL CLINTON! "EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee!" Ken screamed like a girl, at the sight of the horror. "The horror... the horror!" Ken yelped. "Oooo! Hey Ken... want a drink...? Hic!" Mimi hiccuped. "Okay, now this is getting a bit beeped up here!" Ken mused, while staring awed at the horrid sight before him. "Where is the child beholding the hat of many colors?" Clinton asked, in that drunk voice he has. "You mean TK? His hat is white..." Ken replied, not to sure of what to say. "Don't play bitch on me-- OH MY GOD THERE IT GOES!" Clinton exclaimed. "There *what* goes? I don't see anything...!" Mused Angel. "The Golden Bitch! I've been searching for her all of my life!" Then, Clinton dropped Mimi, and ran into a wall, knocking himself unconcious... "Ow!" Mimi yelped, and her butt met the err-- ground. "What the hell is he up to?" Ken mused. Angel shook her head... TBC... ~~ Kitty: HAHAHAHA! What happened to Clinton being in front of the car you say? Well you'll find out about that in the next chapter! Whoever wants ken to barf in Matt's car when he's rescued, say I!!!!! Ken: ... Kitty: Hmm... well review!! MUAHAHAHAHA! Cough cough... 


	6. PiNk FuZzY tHiNgS aReN't As HaRmLeSs As ...

Kitty: *Disclaimer* Ugh... I grow tiresome of these damn disclaimers.... I dun own Digimon... Shadow King told me to put this warning... Warning: Do not read while eating or drinking... You may choke spite of laughter... Kitty: YAY! This chapter is dedicated to Shadow King whom I worship and greatly admire for finally reviewing one of my works! He is a genius!!!!! I recommend his "Not Your Average Digimon Fanfic" story!!!!!!! AND PLEASE FINISH IT!! I HAVE NEVER READ SOMETHING SO FUNNY IN MY LIFE! KEN CRACKS ME UP!!!!!! Okay... I'm done now... Ken: About time... Kitty: Why are you sooooooo mean to me!???????? ~~ E.P.O.T.E.H.P.A. 6. PiNk FuZzY tHiNgS aReN't As HaRmLeSs As ThEy SeEm*  
  
As everyone knows, Tai, Matt, Davis, and Mergatroid were driving along, having an intriguing conversation about car sickness, when something weird crossed their path... "What the hell is that?!" Tai squealed, and stared at the hidious creature. "It... It sorta looks like Bill... Clinton..." Matt mused, the car screeching to a hault. Just then, the Clinton monster thingy turned, and pulled out a giant vaccuum. "AHH!" the four occupants of the car screamed, as the giant sucking machine was pointed their direction, but amazingly bid no harm. "Now," said Clinton, "I speak your language... Are any of you perhaps the bearer of the evil hat?" They group instantly hid Mergatroid. "No," They chorused. "Okay," Clinton bought it and walked away. "This is begining to go way over our heads..." Tai mused. "Yeah," the rest agreed. -- ~*Now... Back to where we *really* left off...*~ "I will do it then... IF YOU JUST GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Ken said... kindly... "Okay, then, all you need to do is pull this lever... here," Angel beamed happily. Ken's jaw dropped. "Is something wrong?" Angel asked. "You mean, I've been down here for hours, and all I had to do was pull this damn lever to get out?!" Ken raged. "Uh... Well you see... It's not as simple as you think..." Angel warned. Ken stuck his tongue out at her and strut up to the little lever thingy. The moment his hands met the cool metal, little pink fuzzy things began falling from the sky. "What the...?" Ken mused, as a little pink thing landed on his shoe. "Watch out! They're landmines!" Angel squealed. Ken jumped out of the way just before his foot got blown off. "AHHH!" he screeched. "I told you it wouldn't be easy..." Angel chortled, and Ken gave her a nasty look. -- "Hey, Matt, you missed the turn..." Davis explained, as Matt turned right instead of left. "I want to pick something up," Matt answered cooly. "At a time like this?!" Davis scolded. "I wanted to pick up some medicine at the drug store for Ken, I've been thinking about what you told me, and I love my car too much to chance anything..." Matt replied, as he stopped in front of EcKrd(sp?). "Someone come in with me," Matt requested. "I will," Tai offered. As the duo walked in, Davis got curious very quickly as to his possibilities of sitting up front, he quickly slid into the driver's seat. "What are you doing?" Mergatroid asked wearily. "Nothing...!" Davis answered in a sing song voice. He beeped the horn three times before, sliding sneakily back to his own. "He won't take it..." Davis mused. "What?" Mergatroid inquried at Davis's sudden livelyment. "Ken won't take the medicine, he's suspicious like that..." Davis answered, as if deep in thought, "Oh, my Ken, where art thou..." "Uhh..." Mergatroid was suddenly feeling uneasy in the car alone with him. "We're back!" Tai sang happily, as he and Matt piled into the car once again. "Ken! Ken! Where art thou, Ken?! Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thee with silk strands of indigo hair, framing that of a lively, hype face..." Davis mumbled insanely. "Okay... I think someone has been sitting in the hot car too long..." Matt said uneasily as he rolled down the windows. -- "I miss my friends!" Ken sobbed, after many attempts at pulling the lever, the pink fuzzies things finally drove him off the edge. He was now cowering in a corner, bawling his eyes out. "I just wanted to go home and play video games today! I was going to have meatloaf for dinner, and then I was going to go get ice cream with Davis...and... WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he cried. "Just once more, please, for the sake of you and everyone else here?" Angel pleaded, she was begining to feel sorry for the kid, but she wanted to be free also. Then, Ken turned abrubtly towards her, "You..." he growled menacing me. "Yes, I'm me..." Angel replied. "You did this to me!" Ken lunged at the fish and began to strangle the godly fish. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" she squealed. -- At Ken's sudden rage, Mergatroid's hat suddenly triggered into evilness again, Merg decided to try his Telepathic powers. 'Ken, where the hell are you?!' *I'm in a sewer... stragling fish...* 'Well... I'm going to teleport you into the car.' *No! Cars are evil! I can't go in a car!!!!!!* 'Davis told us all about your mishap...' *Nooooooo! I told him never to speak of that!* 'Ba-da Boom...' -- "Human! You're fading!" Angel cried, as Ken dropped her to the ground. "Nano nano..." Ken stated, then was teleported away... TBC... ~~ Kitty: WOO WOO!!!!!!!! I'd say only around maybe three chapters to go! Ken: You are aware, you little readers out there, that this story is plotless-- Kitty: *Clamps Ken's mouth shut* He doesn't know what he's talking about! It's the after affect of all that Nyquil!! He... he couldn't sllleeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Ken: Bah, You're the one that stayed up until five thirty watching 'The Cosby Show'. Kitty: And where were you??????????????! Hmmmmmmmm?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????? Ken: I was in the kitchen... Kitty: Doing what?! Cuz you sure as hell weren't eating you twig! Ken: Hey! I do too eat! I was eating meatloaf! Kitty: That was MY MEEEAAAAAATLLLOAAAFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! *begins to strangle Ken* Ken: Eep... losing... oxygen... 


	7. CoMpLiCaTiOnS [The End]~

Kitty: *Disclaimer* I don't own Digimon..........! OKayz!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kitty: Woo woo. LawyerDude: I'm back! Kitty: Where was you?! LawyerDude: In a galaxy far far awayz... Kitty: You, that's enough from you. Ken: Who me? Kitty: Yes. Ken: What'd I do?!?! ~~ E.P.O.T.E.H.P.A. 7. CoMpLiCaTiOnS [The End]*  
  
"What the hell...?!" Tai mused, as Ken was suddened snugly wedged in between him and Mergatroid. Ken blinked in confusion. "What's going on back there?" Matt asked, breifly turning around and spotting Ken. "Hey! How'd you get back there?!" He slammed on the brakes. "Hmmm... One minute I was beating the crap out of a mutant fish and then... I was here..." Then Ken's eyes glazed over and he began to cry. "What's the matter?" Davis asked, concerned. "Oh! I missed you guys SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ken sobbed happily, and jumping in the front with Davis, and huggling him to death. "I missed you too!" Davis began to cry. "What a touching display of affection!" Tai wiped away a little tear. "Yeah, this is all happy squat, but Ken you're going to sit up here, Davis, you get in the back," Matt directed. "But... But! I can't I'll walk home okay!" Ken tried to climb out of the car, but Matt grabbed the back of his shirt. "No, here, take this medication, and you will be fine!" Ken was about to protest, but when he opened his mouth, Matt shoved a pill down his throat. Gagging for a couple of minutes, the medicine was downed, and the car was started. "I have a bad feeling about this..." Ken whined. "So do we, but at least you're sitting by Matt!" Tai laughed. "I suddenly feel unsafe..." Mergtroid whispered. Ken whimpered as they started out on the open road. "So where were you again?" Davis asked curiously. Ken turned around in his seat, aready begining to feel woozy. "I was in a sewer... With dead fish... that talked..." he answered shakily, taking in breaths of air. "Dude! Get your face away from me!" Tai whined. And Ken turned around in his seat. "Ken, you barf in my car, and I will personally see to it that you are harmed greatly..." Matt stated, calmly. Ken gulped, and began to feel fuzzy. "Stick your head out the window!" Davis directed. Ken did so, and the people behind them got a happy little surprise. They gave Ken the finger. "Okay... I feel better now...ugh..." Ken said. "Bitch..." Mergatroid muttered, for the first time. The rest of the trip was spent getting honked at and being throw the finger, let's just say Ken stuck his head out the window many timez... But they finally arrived at Matt's house. "I need to reapply my make-up!" whined someone, as soon as they stepped out of the car. "Ah! Mimi, what are you doing here?!" Matt asked in surprise. "I-I WAaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!" Mimi wailed. "Let's lock her in the trunk..." Davis suggested. "Good plan, Kari's still in there..." Tai said. "You mean! You actually put her in the car!" Matt squealed. "Well, yeah, I wasn't going to leave her lying around for mom to find!" Tai protested. With all said, they tied Mimi up, then threw her in the trunk. "Ah! There's something rotting in here!" she screamed, but they all ignored her.  
  
~*~I guess it's time to throw in a gag to whittle away your precious time...~*~ Ken: Knock knock. Davis: Who's there? Ken: Yo mama. Davis: Yo mama, who? Ken: Wait a minute... I forget... * Davis: That wasn't funny... Ken: It wasn't suppoed to be. Matt: That's not a real knock knock joke. Tai: I know. Matt: I wasn't talking to you... Tai: Ouch... ~*~ Back to my plottyful storyz~!~!~!~*~  
  
"I need to brush my teeth..." Ken mused while walking into the kitchen. "Yeah, you do..." Tai whispered to no one in particular, well, mostly Ken. "My ass is happy," Davis stated. "WHAT?!" Matt squealed. "Haven't you seen the new Austin Powers movie, 'Goldmember'? It's shagadelic..." Davis stated. "And what is that supposed to mean?!" Mergatroid demanded... harsh... "My assignment is an unhappy one, heheh..." Davis giggled. "Ugh! You are sooooo immature!" Mergatroid scolded, gayly... "Would you like some shit?" Davis asked. Mergatroid boiled. "What he means *wink wink* is 'Would you like some shittuke mushrooms!'" Ken bubbled happily. "We totally are no longer grasping the plot of this story..." Matt reminded. "Okay, then let's sum it up!" Tai added cheerfully. "Okay, here's what happened to everyone..." Ken began.  
  
Clinton* He never woke up after running into that wall, so all of the fish decided to eat him.  
  
Mimi* She died after having severe loss of oxygen, and she to this day is still in Matt's trunk with Kari.  
  
Angel* Lived 5 more hours before falling into a state of depression, and commit suicide. Her last meal was Bill Clinton.  
  
Weird Diabolical Guy* He gave up on searching for the hat. He quit the E.P.O.T.E.H.P.A. He was the only member anyway, he retired, and moved to the Bahamas.  
  
Mergtroid* Finally got rid of his hat... Ken was happy.  
  
Davis* He and Ken went to go get ice cream to celebrate.  
  
Ken* He had to go to the dentist, he had 7 cavities from throwing up so many times, and eating so much ice cream.  
  
Matt* He made some cookies, and he and Tai shagged like bunnies by the fire.  
  
Tai* He had a good time...  
  
~*OWARI*~ ~~ Kitty: YEAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! It's over!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ken: Shagged like bunnies...? Kitty: Yeah! MAn! Them things must really get it on! Ken: ...disturbing... Kitty: Man... Tigger and a Moose that sings 'Grandma got run over by a Reindeer' That was a shag! Ken: Umm... *scoots away cautiously...* Kitty: Don't worry, I'm all talk! Ken: *whew* Kitty: SOOOOOOO!! People! HOw did you think of mah first complete story?!?! Like it, hate it?! TELL ME! BYEZ~! 


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